Coaching

every swirl of smoke carries memories

He asked me to log out from the phone and it's not yet my break. For most, offline time is good because it's either we'll have training or a team meeting. It's a good breather from talking but coaching is not very common for me. I have never been asked to stop taking calls in the middle of the shift because I am the team's top performer. My Team Lead always tells everyone that I have good soft skills, I am efficient, I always get the most number of commendations. So today, I wonder why I have been pulled out for coaching. I approached TL's station and he gave me a pleasant smile. That was somewhat a relief but then he motioned me to follow him to the smoking area although he knows that I have quit smoking a year ago. There was just the two of us and all I could hear was the distant chatter and honking of cars. It was still silent and a lot of questions popped out of my head and so I asked:

"TL, sorry, but I really can't help but ask. Why do you have to coach me here at the smoking area? I've never seen you smoke before. I didn't realize that what I've done stressed you out a lot. I am sorry."

I waited for an answer but then he started to light one stick and puffed. He looked at me as if he's about to burst out laughing. That was the first time that I have seen him like that. 

"It's not because of that. Chill." he responded. He looked at me with assurance. I felt a bit relieved after that but then it didn't stop me from asking.

"Then why?"


"Well, it's like this: whenever I smoke I lose an hour of my life."

TL is pretty straightforward. If your performance sucks, he'll tell you right away. If you are good, you'll get the recognition that you deserve. He tries to be subtle and I have noticed that a couple of times but every time he does, he still fails so he must have settled for keeping that tit for tat attitude towards coaching. Tonight though, I am befuddled by him. He must have noticed that I can't really figure out what he's trying to imply.   

"I said, every time I smoke one stick of cigarette, an hour of my life goes to waste. I puff it into nicotine cloud swirls and then it dissolves in thin air. Let's just say that I don't want an hour of my life to be wasted so instead of just smoking it out for nothing, I spend it on making someone realize that I am willing to spare my 60 minutes for their improvement"

"I still do not understand"

"Never mind. You'll see what I mean. Probably, someday. Let's go." He threw away the stick of cigarette that he just finished smoking.

"What? Your place?" I felt dumbfounded and provoked at the same time. I hate it when people beat around the bush and involve me in little emotional puzzles so I stopped walking as if demanding for a black and white answer just to wipe out the gray areas inside my head.

"You've just been promoted and this is our last coaching because starting next week, you'll have your own team."

From being a bit agitated, I felt enervated. So that's what he wanted to tell me. I didn't mess up or anything and I've gotten what I have always wanted. Call it separation anxiety but I also felt the need to be with him after that coaching session. Next week will be a whole lot different for me and I just wish that he'll still have the time to spend a stick for me if need be.